buy the badges
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SexThis lusty badge is for the drastic changes in your sexuality since birthing. It covers: first post-partum sex, sex in unusual places and at unusual times, kids walking in on sex, nursing during sex or squirting milk across the room, smiling while kids tell strangers about "mama sugar time" and really just for doing it at all. If you have used the upbeat Baby Einstein finale song as your cue to wrap it up, you can iron this badge on your nursing bra or thong to show what a sexy mama you are! $5.00 each |
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BreastfeedingThis badge is to commemorate the nursing relationship, whether for a week or for years. Have you tandem nursed, nursed while pregnant or nursed twins? Breastfeeding is hard work and not as natural as it seems. If you produce milk for another human, you get this badge (and so much more). If you NIP you get a special nod of admiration. $5.00 each |
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ShoppingThis is for the first time you take your newborn to the grocery store and strangers come up and touch his face during flu season and you maintain control. Also, for when you stroll through Target nursing a fussy baby while pushing a cart full of those great end-cap deals while trying to mentally organize each upcoming birthday party you will attend or throw for the upcoming year. Have you ever taken a couple of toddlers to pick up plywood, balloons or a load of mulch? How about doing your monthly grocery shopping at super Wal-Mart with 3 in tow? If you have spent money with babies hanging off you, climbing in and out of the cart or running away from you because they had to have "real high heels NOW," then you may don this badge with pride. $5.00 each |
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BirthdayDid you throw your one year old a party that was as expensive and fancy as a small wedding? Making cakes from scratch, renting jumping things for your yard, and having hideous character birthdays are all part of celebrating the passage of time. If you gritted your teeth and smiled as your 2 year daughter opened plastic high heels or you fed a bunch of 3 year old boys a dinosaur cake that had so much dye everyone pooped green for a week, you can wear this cupcake badge! $5.00 each |
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DiaperEveryone has an episode of diapering significance! Have you experienced poop paintings on the wall, poop dripping from the Bjorn in the grocery store, poop in the tub, poop up the back and into your baby's hair? Have you ever performed gymnastics trying to keep other siblings from getting into poop? Has your baby ever peed into your mouth? Explosive poops, indecent exposure,or cloth diapering; this badge tells your story. $5.00 each |
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MedicalThis badge is for horrible visits to the doctor's office. Have you have survived vaccinations or Nurse Ratchet giving you the 3rd degree for NOT vaccinating? Did you ever have to take a child to the ER or watch helplessly during intrusive testing? Getting foreign objects pulled from noses and ears or being told to put your baby on a diet are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to nightmare medical visits. You may wear this badge as a symbol of your fortitude. $5.00 each |
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TravelEver been stuck on the taxiway for hours with a child who is potty training, a born dancer or a curious, shrieking climber? Run out of snacks and been stuck with a snarky attendant who is no help? Walk on to a cross country flight with 3 under four years old and visibly read the lips of passengers as they moan a cuss word that sounds like stuck? Been forced to take a sleeping baby from a sling so you can go through the metal detector? For those with wanderlust and offspring, your bravery and grit are honored with this badge. $5.00 each |
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SleepingDo you sleep with your kids part or all of the night? Wake up with a porcelain doll in your back or a roll over and activate a dinosaur roar? Are your bedtime rituals so complex, a sitter needs to attend a special training seminar to get the job? For keeping your kids feeling safe and secure, you get this badge (not as good as four straight hours of sleep, but it will have to do until then)! $5.00 each |
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ReadingThe requirements for this badge are simply that you read to your children, which sounds easy enough, right? But I bet you never thought you would read the same book so many times that you memorized the text, the images and even the pattern of wear and tear. If you know the words to any kid's book, iron this badge onto your library bag and know that you have done a good job! $5.00 each |
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Eating outIf you have picked up pasta from a filthy floor, created a game with empty creamers, straws and sugar packets, drawn a pretty picture with the 2 blue crayons that the "too young to have kids" waitress gave you, or got your kids to eat something other than ketchup, you may wear this badge for rising to the occasion. $5.00 each |
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TantrumThis badge is earned early on in most parenting careers. For keeping your cool when your 3 year sobs inconsolably for a half an hour because he wants to catch a lizard and tape it to the wall so it won't get away or your 5 year old throws stuff at you and slams doors while yelling "whatever! I hate you!" We all need this badge of honor for not shaking, striking or screaming at our children. Sometimes we need it many times in one day! $5.00 each |
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Buy the set!Buy the whole collection and wear them on a sash, sling, jacket or bag as you saunter around giving advice and moral support to new and unseasoned parents. Actually, if you earned them all we should probably send you a tiara too! $50.00 each |
